Today Tim & I have been married for 5 years. As I like to tell people, "Five down, two to go." Hehehe. We've been married for five and have known each other for ten. Two nights ago, reflecting upon our upcoming anniversary, I told Tim that the one event that had the most physical and emotional impact was Rain's birth. He agreed. Sometimes, I still can't believe Rain is here. She is unlike anything we imagined and has changed the dynamics of this family forever.
And yet ...
Yesterday, I saw a talk show about new mothers and depression. Each of them described, during their darkest moments, the violent things they envisioned happening to their children. Some women in the audience seemed appalled. As I listened to the mothers confess their thoughts--crying from the shame--I remembered those first three months with Rain. When she cried, howled, and screamed, didn't Tim & I feel anger and despair? Of course. We were mad we couldn't pacify her and disappointed in ourselves for feeling that way.
I wanted to shout through the TV screen, "The feeling will pass! Don't feel guilty. Things do get better!" I held Rain up, kissed her, hugged her--I wish those women knew that we were OK now. The one thing I had that those women did not was support.
Because I'm blessed with Tim and a nutty (but loving) family, Rain & I are going to be all right. Yes, there will come a day when Rain will slam a door in my face because she's angry, and I'll take the hinges off her door to teach her a lesson, but we're going to make it. Without Tim's support, though, who can say what I was capable of? I can honestly say that it would've been better for me not to have children, than try to be a mother without Tim.
Tim, Happy 5th Anniversary!
Warning! Subliminal message to follow: Tim, you're the sweetest DIAMOND, generous, and most NECKLACE thoughtful husband to me. Thank you DIAMOND for being a wonderful father to Rain. Here's to many more NECKLACE years!
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