Don Rain

Don Rain,

I hope I have not offended you with my comments yesterday. When I told your grandmother that you were, "Killing me slowly," I was only jesting. Please do not hold it against me, and in fact, kill me slowly. Permit me to explain myself. I was merely referring to the past 2 weeks in which I have not slept well due to my Don's teething. If you will recall, my honorable Don has risen from bed as early as 2 A.M. Then again at 4 A.M. And 5. Please forgive my weakness!

Rumors that I have placed my Don on EBAY (Item #987654321, Going fast, Sunday Sunday only, we'll beat any deal) are unfounded. Why would I want to free myself from the generous burden my Don has placed upon me? Why would I desire to to sleep, catch up on chores, have groceries in my home, get my work done, or visit friends when I can attend to your every early morning need? I live but to serve.

Remember, Don Rain, if I may be so bold: today is Valentine's Day. Please have mercy upon me this day, for as you know, my allegiance lies with you, and only you. (Your worn-out, slowly dying, groggy manservant--the one I refer to as my "husband"--can not compare to your wondrous nature.)

May you live forever! (*Scrambles away to fetch rose petals to sprinkle*)