You want sex ed for teens? I got it right here:
Kids kill.
Toddlers are out to kill themselves and you, and is that what you'd rather be dealing with instead of picking a dress for prom? Go back to your texting!
Five minutes ago, in all seriousness, this is what Rain and me were doing:
Rain was flat on her stomach. I was on top of her, on all fours, shoving my finger in her mouth. She, in turn, was slapping her arms around and jerking her head side to side, so I couldn't fish out the Styrofoam peanuts she was eating. Do you think me saying, "But you almost swallowed a shirt pin this morning!!" did any good?
I wriggled out half a peanut, and Rain took off for the kitchen. She's mad I've got half her meal, so she immediately pulls out a kitchen chair and climbs on top. We have told her many, many, many and more times not to climb on the table.
I quickly removed her from the chair, put it back in its place, and reminded her that, no, we don't climb chairs on my watch.
Rain, in probably the funniest thing I've seen her do lately, raced around the table, and in one swift move, threw back a chair, jumped on it like she was sliding into home base, and gripped the chair like, "Bring it, Mom!"
It was so fast and perfectly performed that I turned my face to the ceiling, and while silently laughing said, "Rain! Hehehe ... We don't climb chairs, I told you! hehehe ... Stop and get off ..."
Sigh. I'm just not fit for this job.
In closing, I'll part with the words my four-year-old niece said. When asked, "What do toddlers do?"
She answered right away. "Destroy things!"
Kids kill.
Toddlers are out to kill themselves and you, and is that what you'd rather be dealing with instead of picking a dress for prom? Go back to your texting!
Five minutes ago, in all seriousness, this is what Rain and me were doing:
Rain was flat on her stomach. I was on top of her, on all fours, shoving my finger in her mouth. She, in turn, was slapping her arms around and jerking her head side to side, so I couldn't fish out the Styrofoam peanuts she was eating. Do you think me saying, "But you almost swallowed a shirt pin this morning!!" did any good?
I wriggled out half a peanut, and Rain took off for the kitchen. She's mad I've got half her meal, so she immediately pulls out a kitchen chair and climbs on top. We have told her many, many, many and more times not to climb on the table.
I quickly removed her from the chair, put it back in its place, and reminded her that, no, we don't climb chairs on my watch.
Rain, in probably the funniest thing I've seen her do lately, raced around the table, and in one swift move, threw back a chair, jumped on it like she was sliding into home base, and gripped the chair like, "Bring it, Mom!"
It was so fast and perfectly performed that I turned my face to the ceiling, and while silently laughing said, "Rain! Hehehe ... We don't climb chairs, I told you! hehehe ... Stop and get off ..."
Sigh. I'm just not fit for this job.
In closing, I'll part with the words my four-year-old niece said. When asked, "What do toddlers do?"
She answered right away. "Destroy things!"
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