The Cow

A few weeks ago, Tim went to Wisconsin for a week of training. My instructions to him were simple: don't come back without cheese.

With Wisconsin's reputation for tasty cheese, I don't think I asked for too much. Either come back with cheese, or don't come back at all, right?

Tim is wonderful in many ways, specifically, he is generous, helpful, humble, kind, supportive, patient (boy, is he patient), and very, very smart--he's fabulous, and anybody who knows him would agree, I think. But one thing Tim is not is a realistic shopper.

Especially when we are on vacation, he always thinks there's time later to pick up gifts or souvenirs. At the last minute, he will try to buy whatever the airport shops are selling. This often leads to, um, less than desirable gifts.

Although I only do it in front of Tim, I do an impersonation of Tim's brain. Really. I do this sort of calm, low voice (a mix of Homer & Forrest Gump) that imitates what I believe is Tim's thought process when he makes poor decisions. This may sound mean, but I promise you, Tim laughs whenever I do it and says, "That's exactly what I was thinking!" Unfortunately, you can't hear audio on this, but imagine for a moment as we step into Tim's mind moments before boarding the plane home from Wisconsin:

Got my photo mag, got my computer mag, got my boarding pass. Ready to go ... Wait ... Wait a minute ... Didn't that woman say something to me about cheese? Aw, man, I ain't got no cheese! She's gonna be so mad. She's gonna be so maaad--wait! There's a shop right there! They gotta have cheese. [Desperately searches 2-3 shops for cheese samples]. Man. No cheese. OK, but I can't go back with nothin'. Chocolate! I'm bringing home chocolate. Everybody likes chocolate. Is Wisconsin known for chocolate? Hope so. Cheese & chocolate both start with C. What if she hates it? I gotta bring something else along. Oh, here it is. This will work. It's kind of cute. Yep, this will do.

Tim brought home a cow magnet that said "Wisconsin" on it. A cow magnet. Rain promptly ripped the magnet off it, tore off the bell around it's neck, and tossed the cow away.

She beat Mommy to the punch.