Insult to Injury, and Vice Versa

I'll recount more of our road trip shortly, but this has to be said: me & the mosquitoes are about to have a throw-down in my home. The gloves are off, no mercy will be shown, and I'm tossing out our green, nature-friendly pesticides--where are the toxins?

Last night, I came home half an hour after Tim & Rain. I didn't have my keys (had left them in the diaper bag). I waited a few minutes for Tim to open the door (he was trying to soothe Rain), which was long enough for the bloodsuckers to pinpoint me. I hadn't seen one in a week or two, so I'm ashamed to say, I let my guard down. As I walked through the doorway, one strolled in next to me with a DVD he had rented (they're practically moving in!).

I tried to swat him down, but nay, 'twas a lost cause. For five minutes, I searched for him in the living room but eventually had to stop to feed Rain. So, I sat in bed with my fly swatter (again) and flashlight (again), and I nursed Rain. As the minutes passed, I tried to stay awake. I put my head on a pillow and covered us with a blanket to our waists. Rain continued to nurse, completely unaware of the military patrol I was conducting. The silence overcame me, and I must've closed my eyes for a minute.

I awoke two minutes later with an itch.

The mosquito had bitten me ... on my breast.

Did you feel the earth trembling? Did you see the sea churning? I was MAD. I checked the room again, shut the door, and assured Rain that the bug was as good as dead.

I didn't hear or see it all night. After I got back from the gym this morning, I asked my lieutenant if he had seen the mosquito while I was gone.

"Um," Tim said. "I killed a bug that was flying in front of me on my way to the bathroom. I think it was a fly ... It could've been a mosquito. I'm not sure. I didn't have my glasses on."

Not good enough, Soldier, not good enough.