Too ... Much ... Chocolate ...

I try. I try every day. For lunch, I give Rain a dairy product (cheddar cheese or yogurt), a veggie (steamed peas, pureed squash, etc.), and grilled chicken. Everything I don't prepare fresh for her requires a dash: whole-grain, protein-packed, sugar-free ... That kid eats healthier than any one in this house. I've denied her cookies, shakes, fried meats, and--dare I mention the logs on which this country's diet is built?--FRENCH FRIES. How ironic, considering those Parisians are so petite.

But, there are two parents to every story. Tim doesn't see a thing wrong with letting Rain try every sweet that bakes its way into our home. I tried to explain to him that as long as she doesn't have any sweets, she'll never know what she's missing. He thinks I'm a sugar Nazi.

One day she had chocolate chips, and the next day I caught her licking a tiny piece that had melted on the floor. Ugh! Then there was the whole indigestion debate ...

Tim (giving Rain a fry): "Here's one for you."
Me: "Ahem. Did you read that article that your mom gave to us?"
Tim: "Hmmm?""
Me: "Your mom thinks Rain has indigestion because she kept making a funny face the whole time your mom was visiting. I think Rain made the face because her gums were sore, but your mom printed up an Internet article on indigestion."
Tim: "Maybe Rain does have indigestion."
Me: "I read the article."
Tim: (handing Rain another fry) "So does Rain have indigestion?"
Me: "Maybe. You know what it says causes indigestion?"
Tim: "Sugar or something?"
Me: "Fried foods."
Tim: "Oh."

What we do agree on is that Rain's digestive system is fascinating. She is our homemade nutrition experiment. We can give her any food we like, and immediately see the results of our choices in her diaper. Gross, true, but here's what we've verified:

1. It's true: veggies make the digestive tract stay on track. Darn! If only cheesecake had performed as well on our tests.
2. On the downside, nothing stinks worse than a diaper after baby has indulged in peas and squash. Note to Teenage Rain: You will never ever be able to repay me for the kindness of changing a pea-filled diaper. I demand that my room at the nursing home have a view of the ocean.
3. The fine for indulging in dairy and meats is fierce. It will take several--er--tries before the pipes will be running smoothly again.

A final note of advice proved by our science:
Doth thou struggle to eliminate? Make haste to thy market! Surely, the power of magik prunes shall heal thee and thine.