XOXO

Diary of a Desperate for Love Mom

March 13, morning: I run over a safety outlet plug with the vacuum cleaner on accident. I immediately turn off the vacuum, put it on its side, and check for damage. Rain comes running, sees the vacuum on its side, and asks it tenderly, "Are you OK?" It's the first time she shows verbal concern for an object, animate or inanimate.

March 13, afternoon: Rain willingly, for whatever reason, kisses me for the first time.

March 17, morning: Rain wakes up, and asks loudly, "Mom, where are you?" A complete sentence + sentiment of love = miracle.

When Rain was born, I imagined that some day, my hard work would be rewarded with hugs and kisses. Something to make me feel it was all worthwhile. How 'bout a whole lotta NO? Rain, until four days ago, did not give kisses. When I kissed her, she would give me this look like, "Seriously? Get what you need and leave me alone." It wasn't just me, either. Nobody got kisses from Rain. Nobody.

Part of me wanted to believe that it was just her age and she was too young to pucker up. But, my niece who is a month older than Rain, has been puckering up since she was 12 or 14 months old. Rain was never a cuddly-bear-hugs kind of kid, and after a while, I just gave up trying to get some love.

Then two weeks ago, we finally started to break some ice. First came her agitation when Tim & I went on a date and left her under the care of my brother. Normally, Rain has no problem hanging out with my family. This time, however, my brother said she searched room by room for us, and finally, she buried herself in our bed covers and waited for our return. When we came home, we found her asleep, still in our bed. Huh?

Then last weekend Tim, Rain, & I went to dinner. Tim went to the restroom, and Rain said, "Daddy? Daddy? Where's Daddy??" She immediately became agitated and went to look for him. I sort of laughed, because she has never reacted that way. When he came back, she smiled and clapped. Weird.

Then, on March 13, she smiled, leaned forward, and kissed me. There was only one thing I could say:

"Give Mommy another kiss, please! I have a cookie right here ..."