What Will You Learn?

I'll start with honesty: the first time I heard about homeschooling, I thought, "That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard." I mean, why homeschool when public school is free, right? Not only that, I pretty much had the same objection that, I think, a lot of people do: how will the child get any social skills?

At that time, I did not know any homechooled kids, let alone "unsocialized" homeschooled kids; but who needs evidence when you've got the verdict, right?

I finally did meet homeschooled kids. Where? In the public art classes I used to teach and a few at church. What surprised me most about these kids--I realize I'm generalizing here, but the similarities were pretty striking--is that they were not anti-social at all. In fact, they were quite talkative and open, especially to adults. Why is that?

A side note here: I could go on about how well-read and obviously intelligent these kids were. I could also talk about how wonderful most public school teachers and administrators are. But, neither of these things are my focus at the moment.

Tonight (or shall I say, early this morning?), my thoughts are troubled. Over the last few days. I've been thinking a lot about some teenagers I know. Recently, I was introduced to a pair of teenage girls I had not seen for many years. Now, let's be real here. A lot of times (at least in the U.S.), teens can be a bit standoffish when they interact with adults. Some are openly hostile when goaded--mainly, by their parents--to speak with anyone over 21. So, I was expecting the usual forced politeness and short answers when I met the aforementioned girls.

I was a bit stunned, therefore, when they began freely talking about their lives, future goals (one wants to be a Navy pilot, and the other a classical musician), and family. A minute into the conversation, I realized why these girls were so easy at conversation: they were homeschooled. By now, I've had enough interactions with homeschooled kids to know that they have this weird (by that, I mean uncommon) outgoing way with conversation tinged with (here's the odd part) a sort of innocence.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the homeschooled kids I've met aren't jaded. It's taken me several years to put my finger on it, and that's it. Even after all the bright homeschooled kids I met, the thing that has me seriously concerned about public school is I don't want Rain to be jaded.

Again, I'm not downing public school or even discussing the level of education here. As a product of public school, however, I'm gonna lay it out there: the years from junior high to high school are cruel and unusual punishment. We all know it.

Truthfully, I had a great time in high school. But, I do wonder how much more meaningful and rich an experience I would have had if I had not dealt with all the drama. I know several teens in high school now, and all I can think is, "How did your self-esteem get so low? Where is your confidence? Why won't you let yourself excel like you know you can?"

But I know the answer already. Those of you who have had enough time away from high school to have a different perspective can probably admit the truth, too. Public school is like filming on location in Lord of the Flies.

Yeah, I could blow it off as, "Well, the kids who are strongest will survive, and the rest will just suck it up and manage somehow."

But that's the thing: some don't manage. They become withdrawn, angry, depressed, and even suicidal. If nothing else, we have a bunch of kids pessimistic about Life before they've ever had a chance to really live one.


My problem with all of this is that I don't want Rain to be one of those kids. I don't want her to have to "perform" to an audience of her peers rather than educate herself. Again, I know some will brush this off as, "Well, they have to learn how dark the world is some day, so they might as well start now."

Really? First, the world isn't completely filled with darkness, so how about we focus and expand the points of light we have? Second, why should they learn about the cruelties of the world at an age when they don't have good tools to handle them?

Some of these teens, especially girls, do not have the skills it takes to overcome criticism and search the horizon for better days. Many come from broken homes. Others have low self-esteem (which is to be expected, since TV and magazine ads basically say, "We know what's wrong with your body! Buy this ____, and we'll fix the problem!"). Some teens are simply lost. I don't like the idea of throwing these kids together for eight hours a day and hoping for the best.

Is private school the answer? Homeschooling? Part-time public schooling? I don't know, but I'm definitely starting to ask questions.

Growing

The hard part about being a mom, for me anyway, is that Life has accelerated. Rain is changing, and I have to change, too. The pace of growth from newborn to toddler is insane. One day, we brought this baby home, and she was pretty much a cute sack of flour. She didn't talk, move, or show any real preference for things, but she was irresistable.

Almost two years later (Rain's birthday is next month), she is unrecognizable. She runs like a gazelle, she calls, "Ma!" like a teenager, and if there are peas and chocolate on a plate, chances are good, she'll eat the peas first (Tim finds this shockingly embarassing).

She is everywhere, and I live in a state of controlled panic. If the house is quiet for 3 minutes, I know she is either:
1. Playing in the toilet water
2. Running on top of our long bathroom counter
3. Eating dirt
4. Trying to change her own Pull-Up (as helpful as this sounds, it always ends in disaster)
5. Rolling on the floor in a tussle with her cousin

This goes on all day long. Every few days, she gets inventive, and I'm left thinking, "She's found a new way to kill herself! That makes eighty-seven!"

All the while, days and weeks pass, and before I know any better, a month is gone. Carolyn Hax said it best: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html

Two days ago, Rain said, very sweetly, "I yuv oo." I, seriously, sort of blushed. You love me? All the crying, kicking, screaming, pooping in your pants, eating dirt stunts, and you really love me? I know this makes me pathetic, but it was worth it. When something around Rain bothers her, when she's scared, she comes to me and hides in my arms. She knows that I will protect her. It is the first time in my life anyone has expected and completely trusted that I could do such a thing.

Every time I put Rain down to sleep, I stare at her for a second and think, "How did this happen? How did you just show up one day and become necessary?" Rain is essential. I don't know how babies do it, but if you let them, they plant themselves in your life and grow into every aspect of it. Before long, the only scary thought is how far you would go to keep that baby safe and growing.

To all the newbie 'rents out there with screaming infants in their hands: may God bless and have pity on our floundering souls! Hold fast, and you, too, may hear the words that soften every parent's heart:

"I'm moving out."

Er, I mean, "I yuv oo."