This past weekend, I went to a baccalaureate party for a good friend I've known since high school. The plan was for 9 of us to meet for dinner downtown at 7:00 p.m. and see the night view from the city's landmark tower. The maid of honor, who planned the event, wanted all of us to go out afterwards.
The problem was, well, for a mama, going out to dinner is "going out." I tried to explain to my friend that there was no way I was going to go to a club or bar after dinner. "I'm a mom," I told her, "Unless they're selling Girl Scout cookies, I have no reason to be there." Stay out late partying while someone else watches my infant daughter at home? It was all a bit too Britney Spears-ish for me. Plus, Tim was going to be with the groomsman that same night. Add to the fact that Rain isn't always an easy baby to deal with and would have to go to a babysitter, it was obvious we shouldn't leave her for more than 4 hours.
By the night of the event, I had decided that no amount of cajoling or even nagging would get me to stay out late. I asked my mom to watch Rain, and I said I would be back by 10:00. At 5:30, I dropped Rain off, confident that I had more than enough time to arrive at dinner on schedule. So, I call the maid of honor (my other good friend) to see if I can possibly follow her downtown to ensure I wouldn't get lost (again, in an effort to be prompt).
Now, I should say up front that my friend, who has a list of great qualities (a steadfast loyalty, being one),unfortunately, is not big on punctuality. So I wasn't too surprised to hear, "Yeah, I'm about to go pick up Friend 1 then Friend 2. We're going to stop for drinks at Friend 3's house, and then will pick up Friend 4, so I need to get dressed."
Wha?? Again, it's now about 5:40. Even with a time machine, doing all that and getting downtown (a good 30 minutes away, at minimum) by 7:00 would be impossible. One of the girls meeting us downtown was a mom, too, and I pictured her waiting at the restaurant alone, while her babysitter's clock ticked away. I called the bride-to-be to see if I could help pick people up in the hope of speeding things along.
Plans get rearranged, and by the time things are said and done, we are at the restaurant at 8:30. At this point, I'm doing the calculating-time-backwards thing: "OK, if I have to pick up Rain at 10:00, I need 30 minutes or so to get home if there's no traffic, plus the time it takes to get back to the parking garage ... "
I didn't realize that the second part of the evening involved moving the cars to a second location (I was under the impression the viewing tower was in walking distance of the restaurant). We drove in a part of town I'm not familiar with (nobody else in the car was exactly sure, either), so inevitably, we got lost. By the time we got back on track, saw the tower, returned to the original parking garage, etc., I was way late picking up Rain. Like 1:00 a.m. late.
My mom was nice about it, but I could tell we inconvenienced her (she was asleep when we knocked on the door). By the time I got Rain home and pumped milk, it was 3:00 a.m. I had to be up the next morning at 8:00.
Was I glad I got to see my good friends? Yes. Was it nice to spend time with other adults sans baby? Yes. Was it obvious that my priorities and lifestyle run a different course from all the single gals in the group? You bet. There were two other moms in the group, and they were trying to get home as fast as I was. I think we all had a good time and enjoyed being out, but we also know that every hour we're gone, others are taking on that responsibility. We have to respect their time, too.
What's funny is the whole night I never thought, "I have to go pick up my kid (*grumble*) and go home!" (*bitter wail*) It was as simple as, "Rain is waiting for us, so let's go." Remembering how often Tim & I use to come home whenever we felt like it, just as the single girls that night planned on doing, made it clear: my life pre-Rain and the life I have now have a great divide between.
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