Blubbering Ninny

I'm not a crier. My closest friends have seen me cry maybe once. If you've read all the entries in this blog, however, you probably think I'm a tear sponge waiting to be squeezed. My her-mone level, escalated since pregnancy, has not completely resolved itself yet. I'm only mentioning this because, well, here comes another story where the mystery phrase of the day will be, "I don't know why, but I started to cry." But rather than whitewash the situation, I'm going to gird up my loins, and tell it like it was:

I was excited and nervous about my first day back at the gym. I put on my favorite gym pants (fashionably cut below the knee), packed up Rain's carrier (Bjorn, also very nice), and drove to the gym with my temporary membership card at the ready. Once in the gym, I headed straight to the track upstairs. I hoped with all my being that Rain would behave and not send me running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to feed, change, or soothe her. We walked a brisk pace once around the track (1/10 of a mile). We walked another lap. Rain seemed to be enjoying herself, and I started to relax. I passed by several signs on the track that said the same thing: "Joggers on the inside lane closest to the rail. All strollers and walkers on the outside." I thought this was a bit odd since the last gym I went to asked walkers to stay on the inside lane, but I thought, "New gym, new rules."

We went around the track two more times. People smiled at us and commented what a great thing for a new mom to be doing. I was thrilled. I could see now how this schedule would work. I could take her to the gym with me to walk most days, and on the days I wanted heavy exercise, I would get up early and let Tim watch Rain while I worked out. Perfect!

We went around the track again while I chatted with (mostly at) Rain. Then, a manager (did they have to call a manager?) walked up to me and said, "Ma'am, you're not allowed to have your baby on the track."

"I'm sorry, what?" I said.

"You can't have your baby on the track," she repeated.

"Oh, does she have to be in a stroller?"

"No, children under 12 aren't allowed up here," she said, shaking her head.

"But the sign says--" I stopped to read the sign again.

Joggers on the outside lane. All slower walkers on the inside lane closest to the rail.

WHAT? No, really, WHAT??

I felt like a total ninny.

"You can take her downstairs to Kid Zone, and they'll be happy to watch her," the manager said. I nodded and went to the stairs. I don't know why, but I started to cry. I made no sound, but I had to wipe my eyes. I went straight to the locker room, because my eyes were welling up again.

Was it that I had built up in my mind this perfect image of me & Rain doing something together every day that was good for me, too? Yes, I think. I wanted to leave with Rain right then and cancel my membership. But, no, I told myself, we're not wimps who can't take the rules as they are. I paced the locker room, mumbling, "Mommy just made a mistake, Rain. We're going to be OK." FYI, Rain seemed unaffected by my recent emotional blow. So, I took her to Kid Zone. I signed her in, handed her off, promised I'd be back in 20 minutes, and (*moan*) I don't know why, but I started to cry.

I raced back upstairs, with pager in hand, to finish my walk. How could I leave Rain with total strangers? What was a 10-week-old doing at a gym? WHY ARE WE HERE?!? These thoughts pummeled me as I returned to the track. After the first lap, I passed the same group of people who had commented earlier on how cute Rain was and how great it was for us to work out together.

I don't know why, but I started to cry.

I wiped my eyes, sucked it up, and finished. I picked up Rain, and went home. I tell you, I am not a crier. Something has happened to me, and I hope it's not permanent. I'll have you know, I've been to the gym both days since.

OK, so Rain stayed home with Tim, but I DID go.